We Must Be Mad

Although we’d vaguely intended to head up the Shropshire Union, we’d kind of decided not to tackle the Llangollen Branch for several reasons. Firstly, we knew it well – off season – from several previous trips. It’s apparently the most popular stretch of canal on the system, and justifiably so. Secondly, it was school holidays, and with more new marinas and hire fleets (over seven at last count) it was doubtless mobbed with boaters, and we’d rather got used to having the cut more-or-less to ourselves. With rumours of 6 hour queues at Grindley Brook staircase locks, surely any cat heading up to Llangollen in August must want their head tested…

And yet… already four locks up at Swanley Bridge Marina, there seemed little traffic passing. The people at the marina said – at least mid-week – it was pretty quiet up as far as Ellesmere if a bit busy beyond. The Captain liked Ellesmere, and so did we. So, questioning our sanity, we decided to go as far as Ellesmere and then take a more considered view.

Back from the Biggles/Luggage/Car/Train shuffle, we set off on Sunday after lunch for a short meander. Mooring up near Wrenbury Church, with a glorious morning to follow it felt good to be going mad.

Wrenbury Church Visitor Mooring.

Birthday Boy

By doing most of the packing the night before, and going for an early breakfast, we managed to leave Sidmouth by about 09:45 – something of a record. We had to get home, pamper Sir, then rush over to a family 30th Birthday Party for SWMBO’s nephew Ed. Pictures have been requested: here are just a few before we get back to the serious business of Biggles’ adventures in a narrowboat.

Held in the garden, it was a lovely day with warm sunshine and an ever flowing supply of champagne. Can’t be bad.

The Birthday Boy…

The Birthday BoyI'll Huff and I'll Puff

The latest addition to the family – Rufus, along with mum Victoria and dad Henry…

Victoria & RufusVictoria, Henry & Rufus

The Wall of Shame (lovingly assembled by eldest sister Rebecca…

Rebecca, Fran & Wall of ShameWall of Shame

Auntie Frances, and the band…

FranThe Band

Time Off for Good Behaviour

Having catered to his every whim since Easter, the Captain allowed us some time off at Sidmouth. So after a few days at home catching up with washing, dentists, vets etc. we left Sir in the capable hands of our friends from Windsor, and headed off for the annual gathering of the clans. SWMBO requested some photos, so those with Morris-o-phobia should look away now.

The chief navigator works at Sidmouth Folk Week, so, as requested, some photos from the office.

John McCusker Band & Heidi TalbotJohn McCusker Band & Heidi Talbot

Here’s Johnny McCusker, Heidi Talbot, Kris Drever and chums sound checking, then doing their thing…

The FO at work

… and here’s someone telling the audience where the oxygen masks, ice creams and toilets are to be found. (Whatever you do, don’t click on that one, it’s too horrific. And “thanks” – if that’s the word – to John Dowell, a former director of the festival, for the picture),

The Chief CookThe Chief Cook

Sunday lunchtime, and it’s a tradition of some 35 years or more that SWMBO frightens the natives on the Esplanade outside the Mocha café.

Judging the HatsEarlsdon Prizewinning Hat

Earlsdon Morris (followers may remember our previous encounter in Long Scratchington) have a hat decoration contest… here’s the judging in progress, and the winning titfer.

Earlsdon Airborne

Here’s Earlsdon getting airborne, rather uncomfortably by the looks of it.

BBs AirborneBBs Airborne

Here’s Berkshire Bedlam getting airborne rather more effortlessly.

Alone on the Range

And we’ve absolutely no idea who the clog dancing cowboy and pantomime horse were. Roy Rogers and Trigger, maybe.

A few weeks ago, the canal/narrowboat blogs and boards were awash with a story about someone stealing a narrowboat from a marina in the Midlands, and making off with a slow-footed getaway. The idea of making your getaway from a major crime at 3mph sounds bizarre to us. Anyway, it was some days before it was noticed that the boat was missing, and sometime later before we realised we knew the owners! The boat was part owned by the musician and one of the aerial dancers in the first Berkshire Bedlam picture. It’s a small world.

Anyway, the boat was soon located, and the only significant damage was that the criminals had painted over the boat name.

Anyway, that’s quite enough music and dance… time to get back to the water.

Homeward Bound

Retracing our steps towards Hurlestone Junction, the weather was till hot and sunny. It was a busy Sunday when we went down to Chester, and was much quieter mid-week, so we actually managed to get moored up for lunch at The Shady Oak, near Tarporley.

The Shady Oak,TarporleyThe Shady Oak,Tarporley

Seemed a much more sensible approach to refreshment than flogging ourselves all the way up to Beeston Castle for an ice cream.

The Shady Oak,TarporleyCottage for Sale

The head cook was rather taken with the cottage for sale immediately opposite, but the Captain’s enthusiasm was muted: it was several feet below the canal water level.

Negotiating the Bunbury staircase locks later that afternoon without any need for shuffling, we gave in to the sunshine not much further on.

Thursday morning saw us passing Barbridge Junction again, before joining the queue for the Llangollen Canal at Hurlestone Junction/Bottom Lock. With a stream of boats coming down, saving us the need to empty anything, we were soon up the four locks, and bedding Song & Dance down in her new home for a few week.

And so Friday saw us sad to be leaving the water, but happily anticipating Sidmouth Folk Week, as we began the complicated process of moving the Captain’s entourage temporarily back to winter quarters while catching up on laundry, appointments and onward travel arrangements. The FO caught a train from Crewe, then drove back in a suitable charabanc to collect the Captain, Cook and luggage. Unfortunately, due to communication difficulties and a minor fiasco regarding logistics, eventually departing the winter quarters for Cheshire at 16:00 on a Friday during the August school holidays proved as bad as feared. Despite the multi-hour delays on the M40 and M6, by hook, crook, sat-nav and going off-piste, Swanley Bridge Marina was finally reached just in time to grab a late dinner at the estimable The Thatch pub nearby.

On Saturday morning the traffic heading back home en famille wasn’t so bad, and by lunchtime, we were back, surveying the mound of laundry, post and things to do.

Chester: Ceiling, Consistory Court, Choir and Conundrum

As this cruise – quite unintentionally – seems to have turned into a tour around remarkable ecclesiastical ceilings in middle-west England, it seemed unwise to miss out Chester Cathedral, so we squeezed in a quick tour before heading back uphill up the Shropshire Union for Sidmouth (if you see what we mean).

The ceilings were indeed remarkable,

Gloucester CathedralGloucester Cathedral

but it was disturbing that the recent global cult of the Tabard Taliban seemed to be infiltrating everywhere. The chief gardener was doing her best to ignore their mystical incantations, but with little success.

Tabard Taliban

As well as fine ceilings, Chester has the oldest complete consistory court still remaining in a cathedral building. Don’t know if they still have a hanging judge, though.

Gloucester Catherdral : Consistory Court

Even more remarkable were the wooden carvings over the choir: every position is different,

Gloucester Catherdral : Choir CarvingsGloucester Catherdral : Choir

and the same applies to the misericords.

Gloucester Catherdral : MiserichordsGloucester Catherdral : Miserichords

At the end of each choir stall is a different carving too. The elephant carver had clearly never seen a real elephant! The bearded chap looks remarkably like a Bracknell Folk Club and Festival organiser of some decades ago, although I can’t recall him ever playing a fiddle. And quite what the creature with the pewter tankard is supposed to be, or is doing to the monkey, remains a puzzle. Perhaps the carver was suffering from an overdose of festival-itis when he carved it.

Gloucester Catherdral : Choir CarvingsGloucester Catherdral : Choir CarvingsGloucester Catherdral : Choir Carvings

After all that ecclesiastical glory, a quick sandwich lunch and we headed back South again, and the siren call of Swanley Bridge Marina and Sidmouth Folk Week.

The Captain must have known we were running late and were hot and harrassed, as he jumped ship at one of those difficult – and grey painted- locks, dived into an impenetrable hedgerow bordering the lock cottage garden, and ignored all attempts to tempt him back on board. Unfortunately, when he jumps ship, he eventually tends to return to the point at which he went ashore, and then fails to notice that his home has moved on a few yards.

Unable to wait there with Song & Dance in the lock, we moved on fifty yards or so, and moored up properly, reluctantly accepting that we would probably have to stay there the night, all the while posting a lookout on the lock side. Fortunately the inhabitant of the lockkeeper’s cottage was present; he tied up his whippet, and allowed us to  rummage around in his shrubbery. Realising the game was up, Sir emerged blinking into the sunshine, and allowed us to accompany him back to his mobile food bowl. Oh the joys of a demanding ship’s Master…

After all that excitement for the day, our final resting place for the day was unmemorable, and forgotten.

Beaten by Biggles and Waitrose

Monday proved to be hot and sultry again, so after pootling along for a while in the morning, we decided to stop for a refreshing lunch before tackling the broad beam locks that descend down to the centre of Chester. The Captain left things to us, jumped ship before we’d managed to tie up, and beat us into the pub. He didn’t even care that he was drinking from the dog bowl. The shame of it!

DSCF4860DSCF4862

Resuming cruising after Sir had had his fill, it was getting hotter and hotter, and we were beginning to wonder whether we would make it to Chester and the canal-side Waitrose before we turned around or gave up. Our spirits were lifted when we saw two young ladies walking along the towpath holding their free cups of Waitrose coffee. “It’s only about ten minutes walk further along”.

Actually, it was a good mile and a half, and three more very hard locks. And they never walked it in ten minutes either: never trust time estimates from nattering young ladies.

There are good moorings right outside Waitrose, apart from the fact that they’re limited to two hours, but it was blissfully freezing inside. Back in the heat, we’d decided we weren’t going all the way down to Chester Basin: several more locks including a busy staircase. Fortunately, just before the “last chance” winding hole, we came across a mooring, right by a large pub and even a huge rhododendron bush that the Captain could hide in and cool off. 100 yards to the town walls – just the job.

DSCF4863

Later that evening we were slightly bemused by this “push-me pull-you” floating restaurant, which as far as we can tell just reversed all the way to the top of the staircase, then went forwards up towards Waitrose and beyond, before reversing back again. Not a very interesting outlook for the diners. Still, at least it’s afloat.

On Tuesday we really needed to be heading back towards  Swanley and Sidmouth, but decided that as the walls and the cathedral were just a few yards away, it would be churlish not to have a quick look.

Chester WallsChester Cathedral

There’s lots of nice buildings in Chester, with great views from the walls. The busker was playing a clarinet accompaniment to “I Do Like to be Beside the Seaside” backing track, which seemed singularly inappropriate.

ChesterChester

Chester

Beeston Beckons

Having been down and back this way several times before, (the remains of) Beeston Castle looming on the horizon and towering over the Cheshire Plain was a familiar sight, but neither of us had ever actually  visited it.

Beeston Castle from Shropshire Union Canal

As it was (a)  blazingly hot – a real surprise, (b) a Sunday and (c) we had already worked several hard broad locks in the morning, the Captain gave us permission to have the afternoon off and visit the castle, if only because it was likely to have somewhere selling ice creams.

Setting off over the fields and across the railway, the outcrop and castle was rather further than it looked. Eventually, after quite a climb, we reached the entrance. Just before there was a rather fine farmhouse, that proudly announced that it was a milk supplier to Tesco, and hence presumably losing loads of money. Hmmm.

Beeston CastleBeeston Farmhouse

Toiling further uphill into the castle proper, you eventually come to the central keep, cunningly surrounded by a deep ravine on one side, and steep cliffs on the other.

Beeston Castle

We were quite impressed by the early 11th century bridgework, and although it was a trifle steep in places the situation and views were superb.

DSCF4848DSCF4849

DSCF4847Beeston CastleBeeston Castle

The top/keep itself seemed a little lacking in facilities (unless you count multiple five-year-olds skipping around while us old’uns recovered our breath).

Still it was nice to look back at our endeavours and see the canal and railway, and ponder that it was a jolly long way to climb just to get an ice cream.

View from Beeston Castle towards canal and Song & Dance

Still, you could always see across to the Welsh Hills, or peer at people going about their business…

View towards Welsh hillsTractorRoad

… and you could also see Jodrell Bank.

Jodrell Bank

Stumbling back down, the return to the boat took rather less time, and heading down the canal a little we aimed to moor near the new and huge Tattenhall Marina where our guide said there were a couple of pubs. Mooring up we soon discovered that the nearest pub was now totally demolished, and the other one was over a mile and a half’s walk, and was stopping serving food about ten minutes after we’d tied up.

Rumours that the new marina (whose water entrance we’d already passed) might provide nourishment momentarily raised our hopes, but a quick investigation showed that access on foot would involve a couple of miles’ walk along roads a long way around to the other side of the marina then a hike into the interior. We raided the freezer and had an early night.

The Bunbury Shuffle

Saturday, rain, and more decisions… so we took the easy way out, and just carried straight on. We could have turned left at Hurlestone Junction and headed up the Llangollen Canal towards Swanley Bridge Marina but knew we’d be doing that in less than a week anyway. We could have turned right at Barbridge Junction, and headed out towards Middlewich, but we’d have to turn round to get back to Swanley Bridge, and reckoned we’d be heading outwards via Middlewich after Sidmouth anyway.

Straight ahead would lead to Chester, if we got that far before turning round. And we weren’t planning on going that way after Sidmouth: we’d both been that way before, and had no plans to go beyond Chester this year. So straight ahead it was. No decision, no contest.

The Shropshire Union leading to Chester changes character: it becomes a broad canal with locks that will normally take two narrowboats side by side. The balance beams are still painted grey though!

First up was the Bunbury Staircase. A two stage staircase, with a sizeable hire base surrounding it, it proved to be a busy spot on a Saturday (turn round day no doubt). The bo’sun last hired a boat from Bunbury in 1972 or thereabouts: it’s rather more hectic now.

Arriving at the top chamber to find two boats already entering the bottom one, we were getting prepared to wait a while, but the hire company Maître D assured us that you could get two up and one down at the same time by playing the Bunbury Shuffle. It’s a bit like those old games where you had 15 tiles in a 4 by 4 holder, and had to rearrange things by sliding things in and out of the single empty space.

Amazingly it worked OK, no tears or water was spilt, and having had enough for the day, we moored up not far beyond, hoping for a quiet evening as we’d had to use pins, and after the recent rain the ground was muddy and soft.

D-Day in Nantwich

That’s decision day… where are we going to leave the boat while we head south for some appointments at home, and then a trip to Sidmouth Folk Week. A short trip down from Hack Green soon brought us to Nantwich, a town we’d visited before and rather liked. It’s pretty busy canal-wise, being on several popular routes, and is near a couple of junctions that enable a choice of directions. We’re not good at decisions.

Finding a spot to moor near the well known aqueduct, we said “hello” to the resident heron…

Nantwich AqueductNantwich Aqueduct - Resident Heron

Nantwich Aqueduct

… before wandering into town for some shopping.

NantwichNantwich

En-route, there are these rather fine cottages,

Flint + Flint

and a shop that must have seen the chief cook coming. (Her approach to skin health is to buy loads of strange and expensive concoctions and spend hours in the bathroom muttering strange incantations).

Nantwich

And in the middle of town, some nice buildings with plentiful supplies of coffee and jumpers. Can’t be all bad.

Not terribly far from Nantwich are several large marinas that (a) would happily accommodate Song & Dance for a few weeks (and a suitable fee), and (b) were within easy reach of Crewe station, which would make the logistics of repatriating the Captain somewhat easier. Eventually we opted to take up board and lodgings for the boat in Swanley Bridge Marina: a modest day’s cruise up the Shropshire Union, then back south again down the Llangollen Canal. Quite a way by water, and several locks, but only a couple of miles from Nantwich as the heron flies.

There was only one snag… there was still a week to go before we needed to tuck Song & Dance up, and the marina was only a day away. Where should we go in the interim, with so many choices? Another perishing decision to make…

Grey Days and Grey Puzzles

The Shropshire Union Canal changes character after Market Drayton. Leaving deep cuttings tall embankments and the Captain’s carnage behind, the canal dives down hill through loads of lock: a flight of five then another of 15 taking one down to Audlem. There were decent moorings after the first two of the Audlem flight, and the weather dull and grey so we called it a day.

Wednesday morning started grey as well, and thirteen locks later we tied up outside the renowned Shroppie Fly pub, but eschewed its lunchtime delights for a shopping trip into Audlem and coffee and cakes in a posh café instead.

The Shroppie Fly, Audlem

Audlem is rather a fine little Cheshire village, with a splendidly situated church right smack in the middle. Despite the busy wharf area and threatening weather, we arrived back to find Sir enjoying a spot of fresh air while watching the world go by.

AudlemMenu discussions

Two more locks after lunch, and we were away from Audlem, into pleasant open countryside, before passing Overwater Marina – one of the larger (and better) ones on the system. It really is huge.

Lock assistant

We finally moored up at Hack Green, which is signposted on the roads over a large area, as well as the canal. The signs are just wrong for so many reasons…

Hack GreenHack Green

The above pictures were taken in October 2011 – we’d moored here before – and the “temporary sign” is now even more overgrown. The bunker (built underneath a WW2 radar station that doesn’t look all that different from a bunch of farm buildings) is disturbing and fascinating, if only as a chilling reminder of the political mind-set during the cold war.

Hack GreenHack Green

Despite the threatening grey skies, we walked down the canal a bit to Hack Green Top Lock, while the Captain joined us for a constitutional.

Hack GreenHack Green Top Lock

Reaching the lock, something that had been vaguely bugging us finally crystallised: shiny new or old and decrepit, all the balance beams on the descent from the top of the Shropshire Union were painted a battleship grey colour. It’s an article of faith that canal lock gear and balance beams are painted black and white.

What on earth were they thinking? Did someone screw up and order the wrong paint? Was the DoD having a fire sale now that they won’t need their new aircraft carriers for several years, until we can afford to pay the US for some planes to put on them?

Whatever the reason, it’s seriously disturbing to the peace of mind and predictable tranquillity of the canals: we should be told!